#45211 - 02/26/10 09:25 PM
Re: Giving up sex
[Re: Girlie1980]
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Sextified
enthusiast
Registered: 08/18/08
Posts: 367
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I've met some people freaky enough to make me think I am not freaky. So, no, not EVERYONE thinks they are freaky. I don't think I am freaky.
Perhaps considering one's own freakiness is both an internal and external thing.
If you imagine that other people will be weirded out by what you do, than you consider yourself a freak.
If what you do is 'freaky' but you think it is understood or considered ok by most people . . . or you truly don't care what other people think . . . then you might be perfectly reasonable to not call yourself a freak.
What I have done - versus what I think I want - versus what I watch - those are all separate things to me.
Very normal in what little I have done. Almost too normal and repressed.
A little kinky in what I have perhaps fixated on.
An absolute "I'm Rick James, Bitch!" freakmaster by what I explore on the internet.
The common theme to why I like to see the more extreme things sometimes is pretty clear to me though. The people involved are VERY turned on themselves. Good straight 'Vanilla" sex, which is very vocal, caring, intense and real, has the same effect on me. In many ways I truly prefer that to the raunchy kinky stuff.
Its hard to capture that kind of passion on video very well. But people living out a forbidden fantasy seem to achieve that cinematic quality much more often.
Its like some recent comments about the characters in my trilogy. The sex they have MATTERS to them, and because of that, it matters to the readers. What they are actually doing is usually secondary.
I like to think of it this way. If you walked into the wrong room at a hotel and saw two people having a bit of 'rough' sex . . . and you knew nothing about them . . . what you thought of the act and them is very subjective.
It might be a rape. It might be a pair of cheating spouses. It might be a returning soldier who has been away from his wife for over a year. There may be a hidden husband watching from a closet and this is his wife's first time with another man. Maybe its a bit of 'make-up' sex between two almost divorced parents of small kids.
That shocking act . . . that might be so damn 'freaky' to you . . . may have become a ho-hum standard weekly occurrence for them.
Receiving a blowjob would be VERY exciting for me at this point in real life. The opportunity to go down on a woman I cared for . . . and longed to give them the orgasm they so richly deserved . . . would be even more earth shattering for me.
But to see either act on video - yawwwwwnnnnn.
But if it were my hot neighbors across the complex . . . and it was a sex tape I got to see . . . only because they were trying to recruit me for a threesome! YESSSSSS!
It's all relative.
I was friend's with a woman who had truly lost count of the number of sex partner's she'd had. Her being with a black man was no big deal to her either, but would have been devastating to her conservative family. She could be a slut a thousand times over . . . and just be going thru a 'phase' . . . but that single exploration of her kink would have ended every contact with them.
So to answer the real initial question - finally - will take a bit of fence straddling from me. As usual.
Currently - Don't you dare touch my erotic stories and random porn clips! As long as my mind is having a good time, pure 'relief oriented' masturbation is almost an anti-climax.
Near future - As long as I could still satisfy myself - giving a woman oral pleasure and massages tops the list. She would never even have to lift a finger towards satisfying me.
Far future - Having a woman I could trust to explore everything WITH me.
If I had to give up something, forever, but I had at least tried it a few times, isn't that big of a deal. (I think)
Porn and masturbation is ALL that I have right now. Going to Gentleman's clubs for lap dances is out these days. My old club was finally forced to close its doors due to the SOB laws here. I don't know any of the 'new' girls at my two 'new' clubs.
If my current/Ex girlfriend and I could just return to the original limits we had during the first year we dated, I would be happy. No oral sex. No full intercourse. Just lots of heavy petting and faux fucking. I truly enjoyed getting her off. Much more so than what she did for me. I was HAPPY with the limits.
I loved to watch and hear her come. I'd tease her a whole bunch and then finally push her over the edge. When I came it was usually all over her chest and nipples. She loved to rub it in there for reasons she really never would explain. I certainly wasn't about to complain.
Sadly, due to religious reasons, even that is strictly off limits. I'm tired of even the pretense of handholding and kissing, if I know for sure, any and everything else is out of the cards. Don't you DARE complain that I am not romantic anymore, if you are the one who can decide to shut down at any moment. Regardless if . . . or maybe even because . . . I was doing a good job.
But in the long run - I would never give up the opportunity to have a truly understanding, curious, honest, sexual partner. I am to the point in my life I truly wonder if it is EVER going to happen.
One of the big reasons my relationship with my current/Ex girlfriend is stalled is that I don't believe she is going to be that person I desparately need. If sex ever becomes truly 'dead' for me, than we might have a chance.
When one member of a committed relationship just announces one day that NOTHING is the only choice available . . . without even a consideration for me, my nature or my feelings . . . leaves me to believe that I will never commit to marriage with her.
Sex IS important in dating. It is CRITICAL in marriage. If she is willing to forgo it for almost three years while dating - what will she be capable for 30 years of marriage?
No sex is better than bad sex to me right now.
If my 'Inspiration' was still around in town . . . I was going to suggest a friend's with benefits relationship . . . with some limitations. If I could see her every week, like I had been for almost a year, I would have had no problem just performing oral on her. But I think she would have insisted on doing the same thing to me. That would have been okay, but not necessary.
The chance to pamper, massage, arouse and get her very, very close to coming . . . then going down on her for the climax . . . would have more than kept me satisfied for a very long time.
I liked her more than enough to have been willing to explore asking her to marry me. I was already planning to get a place large enough she could have moved in with me, at least until she got back on her feet after her car accident.
But now? After her move to who knows where? I sincerely doubt I will ever hear from her again.
Sheesh!
Sextified
Edited by Sextified (02/26/10 10:37 PM)
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#45213 - 02/27/10 05:51 AM
Re: Giving up sex
[Re: Rock]
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AntEater
Pooh-Bah
Registered: 02/06/08
Posts: 1899
Loc: UK
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Ant. You are a lucky man. From your posts I have read it seems that you didn't have to look at all.
Yes, I've been very lucky.
But to a large extent you make your own luck.
I am shy and I do not make friends easily. I've known that since I was quite young.
What I did do was to make friends with some older guys who were very much at easy in company. One was about 10 years older and married, but a natural flirt. The other was 3 or 4 years older than me, single and many women found him to be good looking. I met them through some charity work, I was eager and prepared to work hard so became a member of the group. Most of my formative going out was with them.
This meant that while I wasn't good at starting conversations and chatting women up, I found that I was usually surrounded by people. The hard work, for me the scary bit, was done for me. I still had a lot of false starts with girls. But you need to keep trying.
Eventually I found that I had a steady girl friend who to start with was a friend who was a girl. This progressed to being friends with benefits, before being lovers and eventually husband and wife. But it never started out that way and so started out being open.
One other thing that I found early on, much earlier. Is that when I had one girlfriend it was easier to make others.
I think this is a confidence issue.
When I didn't have one then perhaps I came over as being desperate - I don't know. But I do know that when I was in a relationship I was much more confident about being around other women.
While I was in the open relationship then I was also lucky that many of my wife's friends/acquaintances knew. So I was in the lucky position of being both an available man and a safe fling at the same time. If they wanted sex I was available, but there wasn't the risk of me then following them around afterwards. One inhibitor to one night stands is how to get rid of them in the morning/late evening when you've scratched your itch. Plus they also knew there were no repercussions from my other half.
So yes I was lucky.
What I have tried to say to you Rock is how to make yourself lucky too.
Perhaps I was lucky in that home computers and video games etc. hadn't quite taken off when I was 18, or at least they were out of my price range. Today I would probably have become a geek and buried my head in an online world. But that wasn't an option for me. So I put myself in a position where I would meet people without having to break the initial ice. Once people were in the "ring" I didn't have a problem joining in.
_________________________
Anteater, or thanks to CG "Monsieur Manger de Tante" 
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